Sangjit Do’s and Don’ts
So, you’ve been invited to our Sangjit ceremony—how exciting! Whether you’re a close friend, extended family, or a soon-to-be in-law, showing up with the right mindset (and outfit!) means a lot in this deeply symbolic tradition. Here’s a complete guide to help you navigate the Sangjit with confidence, respect, and style.
What is a Sangjit Ceremony?
Sangjit is a traditional Chinese engagement ceremony, usually held before the wedding, where the groom’s family formally presents engagement gifts to the bride’s family. These gifts—ranging from jewelry to cakes to symbolic items—are not just tokens of generosity, but carriers of cultural meaning: abundance, prosperity, fertility, and unity.
In Indonesian-Chinese culture, the Sangjit blends tradition with local flair. It’s formal, family-centered, and full of heart.
Guest Etiquette 101
Being a Sangjit guest is more than just showing up—it’s about honoring tradition and showing respect to both families. While you don’t need to memorize ancient customs, a little cultural awareness goes a long way. Here are a few key etiquettes to keep in mind so you can attend with confidence and grace.
✅ RSVP Promptly
Your attendance affects the flow of the ceremony. Unlike weddings, the guest list is tighter and more intimate. After all, we’re only inviting those who matter in our hearts. Letting us know early helps us plan seating and food precisely.
🎁 Bring a Thoughtful Gift
While the main exchange happens between the two families, it’s always polite to bring a token—red envelopes (angpao) are the norm, even for guests. If you’re not giving cash, a symbolic gift in red or gold wrapping is appropriate.
❌ What NOT to Gift
Here are a few things to avoid giving the couple:
- Anything in sets of 4
The number 4 is considered unlucky because it’s name “si” sounds like the word for death. It is similar to the connotation of the number “13” in western society. - Pear Fruit
The word for pear “li” is the same as the word for separation. It is bad luck to share a pear, especially at a wedding, because it is believed to cause separation. - Cut Flowers
Though flowers are beautiful and thoughtful gifts, this could typically be seen as a symbol of death, especially for yellow chrysanthemums and white flowers. Cut flowers are usually presents for funerals.
👘 Dress Code: Classy & Culturally Respectful
- For women: Cheongsam, qipao-inspired dresses, or elegant cocktail attire in auspicious colors like purple, gold, or pink.
- For men: Batik, mandarin collar shirts, or semi-formal wear. Avoid all-black or all-white outfits, as they symbolize mourning.
❌ How NOT to Dress
- It’s safe to say DON’T WEAR RED. Most couple will have several outfit changes, with red being one of the dresses, if not the main one.
- Guests should avoid wearing red because this could be seen as upstaging the bride-to-be or competing for attention. You don’t want to come off as impolite to the bride-to-be!
- Don’t wear white or black. These colors are often worn at Chinese funerals, and signify death and mourning. It’s considered bad luck, so it’s best to stay away from wearing these colors. However, black or white accents are just fine!
Do’s and Don’ts During the Ceremony
Arrive on time. The ceremony often follows a tight schedule.
Follow the lead. Watch how other guests behave—especially during rituals or gift handovers.
Compliment the couple. It’s a celebratory day—shower them with well wishes!
Participate in photo sessions if invited. These photos are usually treasured by the families.
Critique the food, decor, or rituals. What may seem different to you is deeply meaningful to them.
Inquire about dowry or money. This is considered impolite and intrusive.
Bring children without notice. Some Sangjit ceremonies are strictly adult or limited guest-only affairs.
Post on social media without consent. Some couples (not us, tho) prefer to keep this occasion private or share it themselves.
What to Expect at the Event
The ceremony typically begins with the arrival of the groom’s family carrying trays of gifts (seserahan). These are presented formally, followed by blessings, sometimes tea ceremonies, and then a casual gathering with food and mingling. There’s structure—but also a lot of warmth.
A Final Note
Being invited to a Sangjit means you’re considered close and trusted. Showing up informed, dressed appropriately, and with grace is the best gift you can give. So bring your best smile, a respectful heart, and enjoy this beautiful tradition of love and unity.
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